Inspiration

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I do love this quote. Although some believe that it was Nelson Mandela who wrote these words, it was in fact author Marianne Williamson. But that is neither here nor there... It is definitely one of my favorites and very appropriate for my topic tonight.

The subject of my blog tonight is "inspiration." What a great word. In it's origin (c. 1300), it was meant to describe, "...the immediate influence of God or a god" (for the purposes of this post, let's just stick to divine influence). It also indicates the act of drawing air into the lungs. I love the dual meanings here because for me, they are the same thing. Just as I need oxygen to survive, I need to feel purpose to truly thrive. I think many of you may feel the same way.

It is 9:30pm on a Saturday night and I am feeling inspired. I just took an hour walk through my neighborhood under a near full moon to breathe in the crisp fall air, smell the wood burning stoves and quietly reflect on life at this moment. I realized I need to give myself permission again to be someone and do something(s) amazing. As many of you may be well aware by now, that thing used to be Olympic rowing. That dream burned inside me like a roaring fire and kept me fueled for years. I would go on night walks just like the one I just went on and I would think about my goals and I would feel that "immediate influence of a god." I sometimes felt in a way that it was my destiny; that I almost had no choice in the matter and I was just acting on gifts that had been blessed with at birth.

I think for a few months now I have felt that this deep, intense feeling was completely misguided and that no, I was not meant for greatness. Perhaps I had been duped by endorphins, serotonin or dopamine. All those moments of "divine inspiration" were clearly a cruel trick that the universe had played on me for years so that I would keep chasing a dream that would never come to the fore. But what if it is real? What if this feeling that I am capable of amazing things is not specific to one thing? Now that I think about it, why would it be?

I am finding new hope. Suddenly those hours, days, months, and years of determination and relentless focus aren't looking like such a waste of time. For the first time in a long time, I want to give myself permission to be "powerful beyond measure." More importantly, I want to do this so that I can bring it out in others, just as Marianne Williamson suggests. I want to stop feeling shocked when others tell me that I am a good person, or that they like me, or that I am a decent athlete (see... I still can't say "good athlete"). It's time to remember who I am, what I have done, what I want to do and where I want to go. Still a process, but at least I have tapped back into that roaring fire and recognize it's need to be stoked.

I hope you can all relate to this because again, as Ms. Williamson suggests, we were all "...born to make manifest the glory of God within us." For those of you in my life, thank you all for being brilliant because it is your light that reminds me that I have one of my own. Here's to many, many more moments of inspiration in the near and not-so-distant future.