New Zealand Round 2

This week has been an interesting one for me. The 2010 World Rowing Championships began on the weekend in New Zealand and I have been keeping tabs on how the team is doing. I am so happy for my teammates who are doing so well in the regatta to date, but of course, a part of me is really torn up inside about the whole thing. I know - when is Forget going to stop whining about not being on the rowing team.... Hopefully soon! But for now, this blog is pretty much therapy for me, so you'll have to excuse me while I let it all out!

I have been watching a blog posted by a former teammate of mine called "Rares' Rhythm." Rares is a member of the lightweight men's pair and he has been documenting his experience at Worlds and doing short interviews with the whole Canadian team. You can check out his blog on my sidebar. It's hard to explain all of the emotions going on as I follow races, read blogs, look at pictures and watch videos. I can liken it to breaking up with someone and then looking at pictures of them moved on and happy with someone else. Seriously... that's what it feels like! But then you just love them so much that you can't be angry at all.

The most recent video that Rares posted is called "Why do you row?" Man - that struck a chord. Passion, the love of the game, winning, spending hours and hours and hours training... Where else can you find that kind of love? It's more than just having fun. It's more than being healthy and fit. It really is love, in it's purest form. It's putting your heart and soul into something because you believe in it with such tenacity that anything falling short of that is impossible. I get that.

I guess the hardest thing for me is that I did everything. Literally. I did every training session, I did all of the core workouts, I had massages, I read sport psych books, I moved to the training centers, I lost 30 pounds to row lightweight... I did what every elite athlete needs to do: cross your t's and dot your i's. So why am I not with my teammates in New Zealand? I focused solely on the 2012 Olympic Games and really, really believed I would be there. I guess I have always been a believer in the power of positive thinking, and can't understand how it seems to have failed me. I have to acknowledge my female lightweight teammates here and say that I would have, of course, had to earn my spot on the team first. I know that. By no means do I feel like I had a guaranteed spot on the Olympic team. What I am saying is that I would rather have a shot and be beaten out of the boat instead of having my body give out on me.

So, it is with a bittersweet heart that I cheer from home for my teammates in New Zealand. I miss them all dearly and wish the best for them. The universe has other plans for me and while this week marks the end of the season for the rowers, it is the beginning of the season for Human Powered Racing!!! One chapter closes and another opens....